He stood with his back towards her, completely, irrevocably vulnerable to whatever she decided would happen. If he regretted his decision, he didn't show it. Scout felt a confusing amount of contradiction as she stood there, pistol trained at his back, wavering to the left, nearer to his heart, out of habit.
"You don't know anything."
Complete control over the situation seemed so apparent in her hands, but it didn't quell the truth of the matter feeling wildly out of hand. Everything had gone so far off the rails and for the moment, Scout saw no way to get it back on track.
Nothing was going to change that Clay was dead.
It was his fault. Scout tried to assure herself. It was all entirely his fault. If he hadn't bitten her, none of this would of been an issue. None of this would have happened. Did that mean she still had a need for revenge? That question and ones like it, floated back and forth in her mind. Before she had known the 'truth', the answer was a resounding "yes"; back when she thought she had to put him down because he was a danger to anyone that patrolled the wall.
Clay had tried to stand in her way. He didn't understand that now that she was infected, she was a tool, a disposable weapon that could find Malachi and remove the threat without risk of hurting anyone else. At the time. Scout saw things in black and white. Clay died because she looked at the numbers and thought two deaths were better than tens, hundreds, or a sprawling thousand. If she had turned herself in, as Clay had insisted, it would all be for naught. With her limited knowledge, she had done what she thought was right. Most of all, she would do what she thought would let her rest the easiest.
She wanted to wipe away the tear so badly, but she couldn't risk tilting her head into her shoulder, or taking just one hand off of the pistol. Instead she hoped their distance wouldn't allow for the view of it.
"Everything I had, everything I am, is gone now and it's your fault. I made … decisions... because I thought I was dead Malachi. You did that. You forced my hand." she gritted her teeth, trying to keep the stinging feeling coming from her eyes at bay, knowing more tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. "I can't go back to Stronghold and I won't live here." Perhaps she meant to say she couldn't live with herself, but that would never be spoken out loud.
She shifted gears.
"If you didn't infect me, fine, okay, but you can infect others if you wanted to. Couldn't you?" She just needed another reason, one more nail for his coffin.